Friday, December 17, 2010

How long ago?

Any writer who's known me for long knows I abhor the word "got." (To recap: Frequent use of "got" is the sign of a sloppy writer. In almost every instance "got" can be replaced by a better, more accurate, more descriptive word or phrase.)

Lately, there's another word that's been bothering me almost as much: ago.

Unfortunately, many writers, editors, and readers don't understand its proper use in a time sequence and bollix up their stories unnecessarily.

For example:
At the end of a long, hot summer, Little Tony finally had had enough. He pulled a snub-nose .38 from the holster attached to his belt at the small of his back and drilled a pair into the little prick who'd been riding him the entire time. He had never intended to harm his wife's younger brother, but three days ago the simpering fop had pushed his last button and Little Tony only had to wait until the two of them were alone to scrape that pimple off the world's ass.
Whoa! Wait a minute! When did the simpering little fop push Little Tony's last button?

Grammatically, the simpering fop pushed Little Tony's last button three days before this story was told, which might be--because this is written in past tense--days, weeks, months, or years after the shooting.

What the author meant is that the simpering fop pushed Little Tony's last button three days prior to the shooting.

Therefore, the author should have written:
He had never intended to harm his wife's younger brother, but three days earlier the simpering fop had pushed his last button and Little Tony only had to wait until the two of them were alone to scrape that pimple off the world's ass.

3 comments:

Kevin R. Tipple said...

The "ago" you cite does not bother me in the slightest as, for this reader, it is fine as written. I am also okay with "got."

My only real peeve these days is the phrase "at the end of the day" and that one seems to be slime crawling its way from insipid TV interviews to print in various forms.

Brian Drake said...

I think "earlier" is better than "ago" but wouldn't argue too much over the difference unless somebody really made the effort; your reasoning, Michael, would make me want to change it.

And we talked about "got" ages ago during the Fedora II project and I haven't used it since and I cringe when I see others use it!

Michael Bracken said...

There are many flaws our eyes slide past as readers when we're caught up in a story, and a great storyteller can be forgiven many small flaws.

But great writing comes from always using the right word in the right place, not the almost-right word or the the-reader-will-understand-what-I-mean word.

While we're all trying to become better storytellers, are we also spending a sufficient amount of time trying to become better writers?

Based on the manuscripts I see, the answer is no.